I come from a long line of perfectionists. I’m not going to list names because I don’t want to embarrass anyone, but you know who you are! That personality disposition has manifested itself in my life and I’m seeing it now more than ever.
It hurts to say it because the truth hurts sometimes, but at this moment I’m unemployed. I wasn’t forced or asked to leave; I chose to leave to relocate with my husband. This is the first time since 2004 that I’ve been without a job. At first, I thought I’d love the freedom and the break that unemployment would provide. I’d spend time renovating the house, sleeping in, meeting new friends, and exploring my new stompin’ grounds. But in reality, it’s been none of those things! It’s actually been quite the opposite. I find myself getting up when my husband gets up, so there goes sleeping in. I have made a couple of acquaintances, but haven’t even invited them over. How am I to make friends that way? I would like to work on house renovations and improvements, but have learned that it’s not as easy as it looks on tv! I don’t know anything about installing light fixtures, sewing and hanging scarf valences, staining wood trim, tearing down walls, and all those things that need done in this old, new house of mine. Sure, I can watch videos, but when it comes right down to it, I’m scared to try it. Why? Because I’m afraid of messing up. I’m worried I will fail. I’m fearful of not being perfect. I liked it so much better when my life was centered in and around people, places, and things that were ‘put together’ and established: my organized house, my decorated classroom, my talented students, my chorus lessons.
I was reading in my devotions this morning and came across this one sentence that really put everything into perspective. In her book “Jesus Calling,” Sarah Young writes the following: “Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, pour your energy into seeking Me: the Perfect One.” Psalm 46:10 (NET) echoes this. “Stop your striving and recognize that I am God! I will be exalted over the nations! I will be exalted over the earth!” I like the sounds of that….sounds so…perfect!